Life....Ahhhhh

Life is hectic. That alone is an understatement. I haven't written about my life lately because sometimes I feel exposed about what I write and I don't want everyone to know what I'm going through, especially now that I am in the public eye with being a teacher. However, life has been so greatly stressful that I need a place to vent. A place where I can pretend someone cares to listen and understand. I vent to Greg all the time, and he gives his heart-felt advice, but I know that he has no idea what I feel like.
Stress is a great word to use right now. Along with insanity, overwhelmed, frustrated, confused, falling-apart. Do you have any other great words from the thesaurus I can use that explains what I'm feeling right now?

Lets start small and go big.

Spring Break: My plan for Spring break was to get out of Iowa. Away from Des Moines. A time and place to worry about nothing. To live life for me. A place I can get away from work. From school. From grading. From uncaring kids. Just away. Well now, Gregory has chemotherapy reatment in the middle of Spring break...right dead in the middle. So now, all of my plans of traveling to California are gone. I can't travel there in back in just three days. Not happening. His professor suggested going to another part of Iowa-doesn't sound too appealing to me because I want to get out....I NEED to get out.

School: My students are going through something. I have lost my cool and patience with them. If they disobey, I yell. I'm not a happy camper. They could care less to be there. I love to teach kids that are excited to learn. If I try to make the lessons fun they just take advantage of it. They think they can sit there and do nothing. They are not afraid of admitting it either and if I call them out on it, then its arguing on why its not fair or they don't know how to do it so they won't do it. What do I do about this? Three options: they can get to work, take a time out 2, or get sent to the office. Of course resilence to the former leads to the latter.

Work: I have been offered another job in a different district. I worry because I'm not sure if my reply went through. I said I needed to think about it. My email said it's been replied but it was not in my sent box, which does that mean that it didn't go through? I don't know. Everyone is waiting for my response. My school doesn't know this has happened. Only my close friends know, and now you. It is a really good district to work for, however, I've already networked through my current district, I'm involved with the IB, I do after school activities, and they want me to be a union rep next year. I just don't know what to do. AHHHHH. I need to talk to someone that knows what to do.

I have bills to pay. I forgot to pay one because it just slipped my mind. Fortunately, it was only for like 10.00 dollars so my late fee won't be too late. I also had overdue library books. :( I'm just bad. I leave school too late to do anything that needs to get done. I give up my lunch to help students, I give up my after school plan time to help students and by the time they leave all offices are closed. I just don't have enough time. Now, I have to grade.

I usually use retail therapy when I'm feeling like this but I need to controll myself. My bank is keeping track of my spending on retail shopping and I spend more than 100 dollars a month....that is usually clothes :( I need to stop. I need to be less stressed. I need an out.

Wish me luck. ahhhh.